"A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me."
~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
tanding on a back porch, I looked out across the top of the treelines at the horizon where the clouds were turning scarlet, just a tinge as a flame starting at the corner of a piece of paper stars out subtle and hardly noticeable before it begins to consume the whole page. Betwixt the sky and clouds and the earth stood a landscape of part of civilization. Not the obvious decay of humanity marked by sky-scrapers and high-rise buildings whose sole purpose is to assault the atmosphere and mock the stars and mountains, giving one the false sense of superiority of being king or in control or even the illusions of power/command. Instead I saw a flatter skyline which spoke of dwellings and business all crammed together, under a lighter layer of brown cloud or smoke (it really doesn't make a difference). I did not see abject poverty, nor did I see indulgent or obvious wealth, but what I did see was the decay of humanity. Felt it really, in that sixth sense all of us have (whatever we elect to name it) I saw the contrast between the internal framework and visible efforts of mankind to build upon it. It was not a dystopian or utopian experience or vision, but rather a quick commentary on my internal reflection on life at the moment and an audible inner statement I heard as if I had spoken it allowed, "If there is Reincarnation, then I choose not to do this anymore." It was not a doctrinal pronouncement or affirmation of Resurrection vs Reincarnation (such distinctions will be resolved when we greet death regardless of what we believe), but rather a commentary on the human race as a whole and the ongoing struggle to maintain our humanity and identity as a species. It is not about choice or whistling away death, whatever the process is we die and are no more regardless of their being a New Heaven and New Earth, or temporal variations of those on a highway well traveled with souls up and down the timeline of incarnations. There is not much more this world can endure, mankind has wounded it mortally. I do not wish to be present at the last moments of this world because I am forced into a perpetual reliving in it up to the very end and beyond.
hose who would see this as a condemnation of sorts I would remind them I find this planet a beautiful place and while I do age I am not tired of living on the planet itself nor find fault in what the cosmos has presented me. However I take issue with my own species who prides itself on destructiveness and making life far more difficult than it should be, and consequently living in a deep state of denial of the impact their actions have upon the very planet they live upon (obviously reincarnations purpose has been lost upon them). This is what I am refusing to come back to, a soul weariness which regardless of it spanning multiple life times or just this present one, it is a weariness I do not wish to prolong or repeat (in any shape or form). As full and vibrant as this life is, I do not wish to revisit it, and if the concept of reincarnation is real, I will be able to make that choice as I will be given the option to return or go elsewhere (Especially since the idea is we choose our incarnations based upon knowledge we wish to learn). Hedging our bets with eternity on the other hand is just as unappealing as we present that option as an eternal life of constant worship of "God" (as a reward for our belief on earth) and instant perfection which we are incapable of describing just exactly what that means other than possibly becoming emotionally incapable or inhibited feeling certain emotions and being able to hang out with tigers without getting eaten or mauled. So much for my idea of whatever model it is, as being filled with Learning/Knowledge, Music, Exploration, Lush, flowering Gardens and art/creativity. Why would I want to step away from this and come back among my own species who often pursues the antithesis of these?
imple it is not. While many may feel this issue is resolved for them, I suspect it is not a true resolution as it is a comfortable acceptance of a stance they find not frightening to them and who am I to remove it, but also who are they to impose it upon me? In a life time of over 50 years, it took all this time to come to that one moment of realization in less than a few minutes and be 100% comfortable with it. The internal discussion seemed to last much longer than a few fleeting seconds but even upon reexamination the pronouncement doesn't changed. I can't help of think of one of my Favorite quotes from Oscar Wilde's character Sir Simon De Canterville, "Far away beyond the pine-woods,' he answered, in a low dreamy voice, 'there is a little garden. There the grass grows long and deep, there are the great white stars of the hemlock flower, there the nightingale sings all night long. All night long he sings, and the cold, crystal moon looks down, and the yew-tree spreads out its giant arms over the sleepers." Why this moment of realization? Of Epiphany? Perhaps in a moment of receptiveness to the divine voice, the universe, Muse, or whatever term one wishes to us I stood in that moment in a suspension of belief and perhaps meditative or altered state and saw in what Black Elk calls the sacred manner. A state psychologically and spiritually we can all achieve at one point, at least in our lives, and I suspect have done so without realizing it has occurred. What factors were present to bring this about? I don't know and have no ambition to know as it would take away the experience itself. I am stuck among the human species, for good or ill who puts massive amounts of effort into being who they want the world to see, as opposed to being who they really are. They have grown into their masks and sold off their individuality as a species and perhaps this is why we can not maintain the health of our planet, because we ourselves are fundamentally lost to the unseen world, the infrastructure. We have fallen in love with the veil and disregarded what is behind it. The stars have become another burden upon our backs as we plod along our lives underneath them.
athedral trees and elder mountains is how the village described the countryside. The town's people of course thought this very dramatic and quaint. But they also did not enjoy the constant presence of enchantment, the Sidhe and magic as well as all the experience such things brought with them. While the village went about being the village as it always had, many in the town were not content and yet did nothing to change it. They kept their windows shuttered at night, hardly ever walked through their gardens and most certainly did not watch or enjoy approaching storms and the gift of thunder and lightning they brought with them. They did not talk to the trees or birds, and certainly would have been offended to learn their gardens were inhabited and visited regularly but creatures of the forest, who considered things as fences and walls mere annoyances and inconveniences. If they had discovered any connections to the fey folk, it would have been considered catastrophic. As such, inconspicuous was the word and much of the natural went unnoticed and unappreciated except from those rare individuals who for their own reasons kept those connections alive, but hidden. Being human was full of toil and work, but they also seemed to not understand this was not the definition of who they were. It was unsettling to think they willing cut themselves off from the world experience and defined their own lives with a narrow and incomplete confine expecting to be happy and content instead of overcome with a sense of dissatisfaction about everything. Those who experienced life otherwise found a different place to live or retreated to the unseen corners, shadows of the town where they could live unhindered and for the most part unbothered and hopefully eventually forgot about.
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