Hi read,
My first year running groups at OKOT in 2015, I ran a group that felt like one long conflict. Kids arguing. Dysregulation. Me spending most of the session managing friction between children instead of... well, what I thought the "real" work was supposed to look like.
I went home exhausted. And then I sat down and wrote an email to the parents.
I decided to be honest and I told them: it was a hard day…but this is actually the work.
Conflict isn't a sign that something went wrong in group. It's the reason we're here. Helping kids slow down when they're activated. Helping them regulate their bodies. Helping them talk TO each other instead of AT each other.
That IS the therapeutic work. The messy sessions are often the most important ones.
One of the dads wrote me back. He said it was the first time any therapist had ever framed hard things as opportunities for growth. That every other clinical setting his son had been in seemed focused on avoiding conflict and negative feelings at all costs.
And he said he felt like someone actually understood what his kid needed.
I've never forgotten that, after all these years.
It's easy to say "hard things help us grow." It's a lot harder to believe it when you're in the middle of a hard thing — whether you're the parent, the child, or honestly... the therapist!
But it's true. And it's what we show up to do every single session. And what you're doing every day with your child as you parent. So when things feel hard: remember that's when the most growth is likely happening.
💚 Resource of the Month
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck is the research behind everything I just described. Dweck's work on growth mindset — the belief that abilities can be developed through effort and struggle — is exactly why we don't shy away from hard moments. It's foundational to the ConTiGO approach we use in our sessions, and it will transform your OWN thinking about everything: your child, your parenting, your work, and your life.
🌳 OKOT Service Updates
Oh! And if you know anyone who is a FABULOUS occupational therapist (we only hire the best), we are hiring one more OT for our Berkeley/Oakland, CA location. They can find info
here. Just forward them this email.
Cheers,
Laura Park Figueroa
Founder, OKOT
P.S. Pics below of fun from Outdoor Kids summer camp last year. :)
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